The Official Blog of The GEM.

SHINE BRIGHTER. Our goal is to live better and be better.

Category Archives: Humor


Twinkie and Wonder Bread workers unite!

Posted on January 13, 2012 by diamondsonyourinside and currently has 4 Comments on Twinkie and Wonder Bread workers unite!

Late night convenience store raids may never be the same. It was announced this week that the folks that bring us Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread filed for bankruptcy. Hold your tears.

You wanna know why? Could it be Americans are making smarter diet and snack food choices? Be real. Probably not. The reason cited is their production model is too costly, due to legacy pensions and union restrictions. They simply cannot keep up with customer needs because of the excess weight it has to carry and the inability to change quickly.

So. Let me get this straight. The company that provides products that make Americans fat, lethargic and generally unhealthy is being destroyed by people who have made the company fat, lethargic and generally unhealthy? That is almost too ironic to be true.

2 Fun Twinkie Facts:

There are 39, yes, THIRTY NINE ingredients in Hostess Twinkie.

The Twinkie defense. The man who fatally shot Mayor George Moscone and Harvey Milk in 1979 obtained a verdict of manslaughter rather than murder after arguing he was not fully responsible for his actions because he sunk into a deep depression. This was evidenced by his newfound love of junk food. A noted psychiatrist testified that on the night before the murders, the defendant “just sat there in front of the TV set, bingeing on Twinkies.” Could it be that the innocent-seeming blond Twinkie is not merely bad for your health, but could be an accessory to murder?

I guess one way or another, those things will kill you. I rest my case.


Cynics Apply Here.

Posted on September 30, 2011 by diamondsonyourinside and currently has 8 Comments on Cynics Apply Here.

Don’t you love it when a simple little thing that happens can be described as “Awesome?”  Even the most sour cynic can attest to a few things that make them honor the little joys in life.  Those that can’t…we no longer have room for you in our world.

Go out and buy “The Book of Awesome.”  Yes.  It really is  awesome.  I implore all of you to get it.  OR even better, compile your own book of awesome.  It reminds us to find a little happy in everything.  Awesome things like:

Having a whole row on the plane.  You can get up a pee anytime you want.  You can rest your arms.  You may even be able to pull off a row nap.  You can imagine you are insanely rich and paid for the extra seats just because.  AWESOME.

Laughing so hard you make no sound at all.  I LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

Building and amazing couch-cushion fort.  Squeezing through a door as it’s shutting without touching it.  AWESOME!

When you spill something on your shirt and it doesn’t leave a stain. Finding money in your old coat pocket–or even better, that tube of lipstick you haven’t seen in a year.  The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter. Licking the cake batter off the beaters of a mixer.  Hitting a bunch of green lights in a row.  AWESOME.

Finding a mix tape given to you by an old boyfriend or girlfriend.  When a cashier opens up a new checkout lane at the grocery store and you become first in line.  Free samples of your favorite food at the store. Seeing someone laugh in their sleep.  AWESOME!

That first early fall morning you walk out the door and need a sweater. Making the perfect margarita the first time around. AWESOME!

Remembering how lucky we are to be here right now. And how focusing on little happy things can make us happier and more enjoyable to be around. UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME.  Come on. Lemme know what your AWESOME was the morning~


Second Hand Smoke For the Mind

Posted on August 31, 2011 by diamondsonyourinside and currently has 3 Comments on Second Hand Smoke For the Mind

This is the post on sweaty back hair you have been waiting for. This is a problem for so many–both the perpetrators and innocent bystanders. Why, why, why do men feel it necessary to exercise without a shirt? Fat men, skinny men, tall ones, short ones, hairy ones, slick ones, cute ones, scary ones. Trust me on this one fellas, it’s all the same. Plus, women RARELY show up to an exercise class with just a jog bra anymore. Almost never. 1995 is over. Jog Bras as fashion are years out of style. And shirtless attire has NEVER been in season.

Since my site is about being healthy and happy, you might think, “What does this have to do with diamonds on your inside?” I never said we shouldn’t work towards sparkle on your outsides too. I think it is rudely unhealthy for others to invoke this sight upon others. Think second-hand smoke for the mind.

It pains me, yes pains me, to stand next to a shirtless man during my hot yoga. Invariably, they are not in peak condition. We are all in this hot room, sweating our cojones off. You know those shirts that every athletic company uses that are made from SWEAT WICKING MATERIAL? They use it for a reason. And believe me, it works! If you have chosen not to wear one of these aforementioned athletic shirts, guess what? You are dripping your gross, hairy sweat all over the floor–a place where I may be next class. And God forbid I brush up next to you walking past. And the visual image branded in my pysche. I can’t tell you how many I have to endure in my 9 mile walks around White Rock. These guys who elect to go shirtless perhaps may also be the questionably creepy guy trying to pick you up at the bar–gold chain, Ed Hardy pants and all. Just sayin’ there may be a correlation.

You may be thinking, yes, but what about the really good-looking guys. The tanned ones with 5% body fat. I love those guys. Clothed. I am telling you, it is still no bueno. Plus, sometimes it is better to leave something to the imagination. (Don’t even start with bike shorts. Holy Lord!). In fact, to prove my point, I saw Troy Aikman this past weekend running shirtless down Armstrong. Lovely you might think. But you know what? Even as sinewy and handsome as he is, I could have done without this vision of sweaty cheesiness. And he, of all people, should have access to a trunk full of athletic gear.

More disturbing is the amount of websites out there promoting a ‘shirtless lifestyle that is so popular in other countries.’ Forget about Al Queda. This could be the downfall of Rome!

So, what do we do with this info? Please, tell your loved ones that shirtless activity kills. Kills brain cells, kills good thoughts, kills an appetite. We can make a difference people–even one wife beater t-shirt at a time.

Diamonds on your inside / Shirts on your outside,

Leslie